Jokes

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
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Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and the Mattress
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Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is when both are pregnant.
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Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted,
dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.
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Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S?
B'coz people started licking the wrong side.
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Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.
1st: What yrs look like?
2nd: She is 5"7", 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. Wat abt yrs?
1st: Forget mine. Let's find yrs!!
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Son asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, that's confidence. yr friend is also my son,
that's confidential!
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Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should
talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitedly) : Sure mom, ask me whatever you'd like to know.